Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Kennedy Grand Conference Return

Charlie Kennedy made his grand return by addressing the main hall in Brighton at the Lib Dumb conference. Sadly I missed the event as rather appropriately I was in the pub. Pint hit the spot though.

Up Lucan and Down Dale

Not one to bear grudges but...Iain Dale the horrible little toad rag has not inculded the good old Lord Lucan in his various lists of top blogs. So that is myself and recess monkey he has offended. Meanwhile the number 9 Labour blog is by the bloke who tells us that he has tidied his room. So please help the lucan please email Iain (iain@iaindale.com) to announce your fury at the pure innacuracy of this list and get Lord Lucan the recognition he deserves. Incidenatally just seen the offending creature on The Daily Politics, smug little git, I'll get him.

Lib Dumb Watch

Yesterday was spent recovering from Saturday night watching the Daily Politics at the Lib Dumb conference. My favourite bit was the Q&A session with Michael White (who I dispise) and Ming Campbell. Horribly staged and all very softly softly but badly organised with the first two people with questions from the floor not being in the conference hall to ask them. However, an interesting piece did come out off Ming where he revealed he had had a lot more dealings with the NHS off late. That would be the geratric ward then, still at least we know. So far today we have had the crucial tax vote which was one by the leadership from by about a 60/40 margin. We Willie Rennie the winner off that by-election in Drumferline which he wasn't meant to win. Being a Lib Dumb it was very difficult to remember what he was talking about. However, I do remember him saying this "and this is one of my favourite slides". Hocus, pocus a slide appeared and what do you know...it was a bar chart. The picture is taken directly off the TV so please forgive the poor quality.

Weekend Events

Feeling that London wasn't quite far enough from the Lib Dems stalking in Brighton, I decided to take off to Beccles on the Norfolk/Suffolk boarder this weekend to a party. The party was incredible with marquees, live band, DJ, three course meals, champagne you get the idea. However, it was stuffed full of Tories of the objectionable type who will not accept to one degree that their political ideals might be wrong and have a send them home or lynch them mentality. I spoke to one bloke who had been to Harrow who was so unpleasant that I almost told him I was a communist just to annoy him. However, there was a very pleasant person who sat next to me at dinner who worked for the FCO who gave me an insight into life at the foreign office. "Jack Straw was great, he always wandered around talking to staff and liked to know what was happening", she said, "Beckett is awful she still hasn't met the majority of FCO staff and should bugger off on her caravan". So all well in the FCO then. Amusement though came from the journey up when somehow conversation moved to Enoch Powell and my idiot friend Tom in one sentence proved that the country was not dumming down as he said "Enoch? Isn't he in Star Wars?". No, that would be an Ewok.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Holy Appartions in Food and Drink - The Pictures- Part II

Blogger is being it's usual helpful self and won't let me do all this on one article as it is too big. So if you haven't read Part I, read it and then come back here (you may want to read the article below it to understand why I'm on this subject in the first place).

Anyway, as I was saying...Nobody, however, has made more food and drink apparitons than Jesus himself. Considering how many times he has appeared somebody must of missed him and eaten him. Indeed they have and it only showed up when he appeared in the x-ray of their teeth: However, plenty of people have caught him before they have consumed their product. He was a fisherman of course which may explain his presence in at least two seafoods. Firstly in a shrimp: and then in an oyster:
As for meek and humble, you can't get much more meek and humble than by turning up in a dumpling:
However, if Jesus doesn't appear in your meal don't worry he may still occur afterwards during the washing-up, just before you do the frying pan:
If your house has damp check that plaster very carefully before fixing it, because he can appear in your damp:
I have saved my favourite two though till last. This one, while the apparition is not too clear the story behind it is great. Jesus appeared in the overflow of a mug of hot chocolate in Columbia and a shrine was immediately set up with pilgrims coming to pay homage to the mug. The photo is below but to see news item on the holy mug and the pilgrims click here:
Finally, this is the holy toaster, every single slice of toast it makes has an apparition of Jesus on it. It was sold at on ebay though I don't know how much for but going on the grounds how much the toastie went for I imagine loads:

Holy Appartions in Food and Drink - The Pictures- Part I

I'm sorry I couldn't resist, after the last piece about Jesus appearing in a pint I thought I had to show you some of the best holy apparitions in food and drink. First up the Mother Theresa in a bun (aka The nun in a bun). This is the only known apparition of the good hearted nun known in food and drink but if you know of any others please do let me know. While Mother Theresa may only have made one food or drink apparition. However, the Virgin Mary has popped up in a couple of times. Firstly in a chocolate factory where a pile of chocolate had dripped itself into her shape and an observant factory worker noticed:

Also a slightly disformed pretzel once looked like her, although I'm inclined to call this one a set up: My favourite Mary apparition though has to be this one where she appeared in a cheese toastie. The strange worrying thing is that the consumer of this toastie had already had a bite when they realised that Mary was in their sarnie. The thing was auctioned ten years later and it sold for $28,000 (Don't believe me? Click here):

Jesus in a Pub

The Lord works in mysterious ways but truly last night was an exception, when Jesus came to me in a pint. I know waiting for a pint in the Sports and Social club can be a bit like waiting for Jesus but to have him appear in your pint is just spectacular. Mother Theresa has appeared in a bun and Mary in a cheese sarnie. Actually, I should come clean Jesus didn't come to me in a pint. The picture is an advert by the Churches Advertising Network and while I doubt it will have much of an impact, it is rather fun. However, this is not to say that Jesus doesn't appear in food and drink on a remarkably regular occasion and strangely he seems to make an awful lot of his apparitions in America. Funny that.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

A Short Goodbye

I've been trying to think all day of something nice to say about Clare Short on the announcement of her retirement, but I can't. So let's leave it at good riddance to stroppy cow.

Blogs - The Latest in New Media

I know it is the silly season but some bloggers it seems are getting desperate. In particular 2 darts has recently let us know that he has his first grey chest hair. Fortunately we were spared an image of the offending item. Meanwhile up in Mars Hill, Paul Bugin (pronounced like virgin and not burger) has let us know that he has tidied his room. What's more he has given us a piccy: There is an arguement that blogs are the new media and that the dead tree press are going to be out of business in a few years time. Judging by the efforts of these two I think the Fleet Street hacks can sleep easy tonight.

Drinking Can Be Dangerous...Apparently

I want to talk about a subject very close to my heart, booze. Not only is booze in the news today (click here) saying that among other things the alcohol limit for under 25s should be cut for drivers. This is a load of cr*p so much so you could almost have a case here for age discrimination if you were one of those people who like going to court. If you want to cut the limit fine but it has to be cut for everyone don't leave one rule for some and one rule for another. A 60 year old over the limit is just as dangerous as a 22 year old the same amount over the limit. Drink driving whoever you are is dangerous and stupid, there should be no distinctions. However, booze was also in the news yesterday (click here). Intreastingly enough the BBC has put this item in the Merseyside part of the news website although it was on the TV and radio national news, clearly they know the source of the problem. Here parents are encouraged to teach their children to drink responsibly. Professor Make Bellis says, "The ability to drink alcohol sensibly is not a gift people are born with but one that must be learnt. By the age of 15, the vast majority of young people are already using alcohol and this study suggests that those who do so with their parents are more likely to avoid the most dangerous drinking behaviours". I remember Mother Lucan teaching me to drink responsibly, when I was about 8 I was given a seriously watered down small glass of wine with a fancy meal, at about 12 I was allowed one proper glass of wine and at 14 my Uncle took me to the pub for the odd pint. All in all I was taught how to enjoy drink sensibly and the dangers of over-consumption. I will leave it to you dear readers to conclude, particularly those who may have seen me in the S&S on the odd occasion as to whether Prof. Bellis is right in his assumptions!!

Lib Dumbs Look a Bit Odd

Conference season is fast approaching upon us. We have had the TUC this week but as we all know nobody gives a toss about the Unions so they don't count. Coming up we have the Labour conference/infight in Manchester. Good thing that the party colour is red, it'll hide the blood. After that we have the Tories full of spirit and joy which will be sucked out of them the moment they step foot in horror that is Bournemouth. But before for all that the Lib Dumbs are off to Brighton. Meeting the only decent Lib Dumb known last night in the bar, he showed me his conference pass. The fact that he was hungover the day the photo was taken didn't help but Cowley Street had also seemed to have had a problem with their pass printing software. The result of this incompetance is that people's face have been squashed vertically. So in a favour to you dear readers, may I present my impression of what the photo on certain Lib Dumb's conference passes may look like. First up we start with the man you would most trust were he to offer you a werther's original, Lib Dumb leader Ming Campbell: Next, the Lib Dumb who really will fit in the scene in Brighton, hamster lookalike and famous bald, Mark Oaten:
What about the involuntarily chaste belle of the Lib Dumbs, Sarah (at the end of my) Teather:
Astroid watcher and anagram, Lembit Opik
and last but not least, he's ginger from Scotland it's Charlie Kennedy:

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Stamp It Out

The Central Lobby Post Office I have noticed seems to be suffering from longer and longer queues. This strange occurance seems to have started around about August 21st. For some of you this date might ring bells, for it is a historical date. For upon that day in the year of our Lord 2006 the cost of sending a letter was based on size as well as weight. Despite leaflets and commercials (annoying ones at that) nobody has a damm clue how the whole thing works, so whereas in previous days the process was, write letter, stick in envelope, shove stamp on and sling in letterbox, now it involves a lengthy trip to the post office. If you still don't believe how confusing it is, this is off the Royal Mail website, verbatum, and is a description of a packet "Length over 353mm OR width over 250mm OR thickness 25mm OR weight over 750g". What? Anyway as a result everyone has to go to the Post Office to post their letters. Even the cabinet. A couple of weeks ago I had what I thought was a letter but turned out to be a packet to post and in front of me was the leader of the House of Commons, Jack Straw. Neither of us had a clue whether we had a letter, large letter or packet and had to play with the little toy on the coutner which told you. The great minds of Lord Lucan and Mr. Straw combined and eventually the problems were solved with a little help from the chap behind the counter. There could have been a much more interesting story if I had noticed that when Mr. Straw had finished he forgot to take his red ministerial folder with him and I had 'borrowed' it. However, I didn't and in a couple of minutes he came back sprinting (yes sprinting) across Central Lobby to collect it. This story leaves though a few questions. 1. Does anyone understand the new post pricing? 2. Would I have been done for high treason had I nicked the file? 3. Where was Jack's dogsbody/researcher to post his letters for him?

Anyone seen a fat bloke called John?

I'm back! Again! But only for a few days! (I think that is enough exclamation marks). My goodness what a lot has happened since I went away. In my last post I was struggling for news and had to write about a lost pigeon. All the heat is on the PM though now. When will he go and will Gordon get a smooth transition. Everyone seems to have a view. "Go now", cries one corner. "Go by the elections next May", cries another. "Be immortal and stay PM forever", cries the next. "We can't have a Jock as PM". You get the picture. However, one corner is very quiet, the Deputy Prime Minister's corner. Remember when Prezza got stripped of all his roles and nobody knew what he did? Eventually he said was one of his roles were to ensure a smooth transition of leader. Well he is doing well here then. The Labour Party is in meltdown, not that I am complaining and Prescott seems to have gone all Nero and fiddling whilst all round him burns. Though what he is fiddling we have to leave to the imagination. As for the rest of us, we can sit back and look forward to a fortnights time and Labour's jaunt to Manchester...will this be the first time riot police will have to be inside the conference hall than outside?