Party Animals - Crush Pineapple Shake The Tree

I really really cannot describe how poor last night's episode was. Let's put it like this having got home I got the ironing out and thought watching Party Animals and doing ironing would be nice and I won't want a drink, then at 9.50 I was running for the pub this was so bad. I really can't be bothered to do a full rundown of the plot (if you could call it that) so I will briefly run through what happened to each character...

Ashika "I'm fit and I'm Asian" Chandiramani...In the by-election race things are getting bitchy by both Ashika and Scott. Ashika also gets sticks of rock made with her name on it. They shock of horrors, Fancy a Shag has tracked down her father and got a less than flattering quote. So what do you do when somebody has screwed you over and got your family involve? That's right, you have sex with them and they then attempt to do it in a school classroom before going to do it properly in bed. However, things are about to get complicted...

Scott "Fancy a Shag" Foster...Scott having screwed Ashika's campaign then decides to screw Ashika herself. However, Fancy a Shag is not all testosterone oh no. He has a softer side and decides that he really rather likes I'm Fit and I'm Asian and asks her if they could live happily ever as boyfriend and girlfriend. Ashika though is a very confused girl what with the campaign, Fancy a Shag and having to rush down to London to have an urgent triste with...

James "I've got a Massive Knob" Northcote...Poor old James he wanders around the whole episode like a lost wet sponge without Ashika and eventually demands she comes to London as he really needs to see him. Only to declare his undying love for Ashika and propose to her. Ashika though tells him to f*ck off and then gives him a long hug (just a hug) on his doorstep which is snapped by a pepperami photographer and leaked to George "Kill The Bastards" Morgan. Although what happens there we will have to see.

Matt "Hello Boys" Baker...Hello Boys wanders around being gay and not helping the storyline at all.

Jo "I'll Grill Your Testicles" Porter...Elsewhere, Jo is on a downward spiral she clearly is an alcoholic and her husband leaves her for the nanny. All this happens while she is planning a shock resignation over a furore the Human Rights Act which will ruin the PM and the Chancellor forcing a leadership contest. However, she gets hammered in St Stephen's Tavern and tells it to the world ahead of time. Her carreer is spiaraling out of control.

Danny "You Know I'm Actually Kerron Cross" Foster...Ever loyal Kerron, sorry Danny is right by I'll Grill Your Testicles' side. Furthermore, Why Do I Exist wants to borrow his house to have a dinner party for a group she's doing a skydive with. The really odd thing about this is that one of the skydiver's (let's call him Yah!) starts doing cocaine on Danny's coffee table without even asking if he minded. Manners, they just don't happen anymore.

Kirsty "Why Do I Exist" Mackenzie...Kirsty has an alterior motive f0r this dinner. Yah! has a job going which Kirsty wants. However, Yah! reveals to Danny that he plans to shag her to give her the job. Kirsty seems absolutely fine with that though Danny is appaled and storms off. Kirsty is sad. The sexual chemistry is so strong between these two that something is destined to happen.

Sophie "Woo Hoo" Montgomery...Woo Hoo gets called a little bitch but doesn't appear in the show. Shame.

Remember next Wednesday is the explosive final episode. What will happy to the photos? Who will I'm fit and I'm Asian spend the rest of her life with and will she win the by-election. What will happen to I'll grill your testicles' carreer? Will You know I'm Actually Kerron Cross and Why do I exist actually get it on? Will Woo Hoo make another appearance? Does anyone care?