Tuesday Afternoon Play (Contains Strong Language)

A telephone rings at the BBC News 24 late on Sunday Night....

Woman on Phone (for it is her): BBC News 24

Iain Dale (for it is him): Mmmh muffle soh fah ta

WoP: Pardon

ID: Oh sorry, I had my head up my arse.Hello, Iain Dale here. I'm sure you've heard of me. I run a blog and and a really good internet TV show. Everyone loves me and depends on my everyword. I'm sure you've heard of me.

WoP: er, no. Can I help you.

ID: Well yes. I've just read on a blog which is as it is a blog must be right which is run by a friend who knows me, although everyone knows me, who says Margaret Thatcher, who also knows me, is dead. Can you confirm? Only I must know so that I can dress all in black and beat my chest whilst wailing greatly.

WoP (in a slightly sarcastic tone): Really? Just hold the line and I'll check.

Iain Dale is put on phone to the sounds of the Grange Hill theme tune.

WoP (to colleagues at BBC News 24 newsdesk): Listen to this I've got some nutjob called Dale on the phone who thinks Maggies dead because he has read it on a blog and hasn't seen the news anywhere else so assumes it must be true

BBC News 24 newsdesk team all laugh greatly

BBC News 24 Worker (for it is they): What a t*at and why is he ringing us if it is true we'll tell him on the TV along with everyone else. What makes him thinks that because he phones us he'll get preferential treatment.

WoP: He keeps saying everyone knows him, so I guess his over inflated ego meant that he thought he could get preferred treatment.

BBC News 24 Newsdesk Team (in unison): T*AT

Another BBC News 24 Worker: Egotistical Moron. Leave him on hold for half and hour and change the hold music to Songs of Praise and let him run up a massive phone bill.

BBC Newsdesk Team carry on with work, some go for a cigarette break. Occasional chuckles emerge as various workers look at phone with Dale on hold. After 45 minutes Woman on Phone pick up phone.

WoP: Hello

ID: Hello, Iain Dale here. Read my blog it's really good and I'm great on 18 Dullty Street.

WoP: Yeah whatever. Anyway stop being a stupid moron of course she's not dead don't you think we would have broadcast it if it were true. Now fu*k off and stop pestering us and from now on get your news from credible sources you t*wat.

Woman on Phone slams phone down

THE END