Monday, February 05, 2007

Bird Flu Hits Bernard Matthews

Yes, the worlds most unscary virus has hit the boootiful turkeys of Bernard Matthews. I would estimate that 65% of airtime on BBC News 24 is currently being devoted to the loss of 160,000 birds. I have discovered I can still eat turkey, I won't catch the virus and I am not going to die. However, I am not allowed to visit a small corner of Norfolk. Well that has ruined everthing! However, we can all be OK if we follow that gem of advice the DEFRA Minister Ben Bradshaw gave almost exactly a year ago:

"For the most impact on trying to prevent mutation, or reassortment, we need to get a handle on the outbreaks in south-east Asia and other countries. In Turkey, as he will know, there are some small back-yard flocks where people actually sleep with their birds and have very intimate contact with them. As far as I am aware, that does not happen in this country. " (Hanard link here)

So no shagging birds please everyone. Although I should stress when I say birds I mean the feathered variety, not the human type. However, don't shag the human type if they don't let you or if they betrothed to somebody else. Am I starting to digress here from the subject of bird flu, I think so. Basically you're not going to get bird flu, you are not going to die, you can have that Bernard Matthews' turkey sandwich you made for lunch (in fact there is hardly any turkey in that anyway) and I would be very grateful if the Beeb would stop clucking about (had to get that pun in) and cover some proper news.

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